My amazingly talented friend is hand-sewing my dream wedding dress. I'm so excited and I want to show it to someone!

ejsmommy · 2012-05-20T22:03:45.423349-07:00

Your dress is beautiful. Congratulations are in order both for the dress and the wedding. :)

cathead72 · 2012-05-21T04:23:02.113991+00:00

Try volunteering and joining clubs. Book clubs, dancing classes, movie clubs, etc. Not only those are great to pass your time but you can also meet awesome people by doing that. I like volunteering because it gives me the chance to be part of something that's bigger and more important than myself and my problems, whatever they might me at the time. For meeting people, try meetup.com in your area. You can choose a group of people that share your interests and that will give you lots to talk about. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hugs and good luck.

lazybakersdozen · 2012-05-21T04:12:11.088748+00:00

I'm sorry, this is ridiculous and not even hygienic at all. I'm all for loving the things that makes us women, and for loving our bodies and ourselves but this is taking one step too far.

Awesome for those who like it, but I guess a big point is being missed here. Wouldn't it be the same as guys showing off their ejaculatory fluids to celebrate what makes them guys? Or just about anyone pissing and pooping and farting in public to celebrate us all being humans? I love sex. Should I now celebrate it by fucking in the middle of the street in front of elders and children alike? Come on, seriously?

matchbookfire · 1 day

I would just like to know why I am viewed as a sub human for not wanting children/a traditional home life.

Because you challenge the very base of our society: family and stability. I would guess that 90% of the population do want that. It is like we are blowing sand in people's faces when we tell them that their traditional lives aren't enough. They feel threatened and they want us to conform. Obviously, that is their problem and not ours. I think we should all accept each other and just get along, but realistically, maybe that's not in the cards anytime soon.

Just do your thing: Be yourself, live the life you chose, be kind and try to understand where other people's views are coming from. Once you understand, forgiving gets a lot easier. In the end, the opinions that matter come from a very few close friends, and those usually do get us. It feels awesome to be free to make our own choices, enjoy!

I_DRAPE_DONS · 2 days

...how do you address the people who continue to behave irresponsibly?

By enforcing the law?

I_DRAPE_DONS · 2 days

I don't agree with you at all. I don't think being ethical and teaching the younger generation to be ethical and considerate of other people's feelings equates with cutting off lungs. That's a terrible analogy. Expecting and teaching decency is not impossible, and if it is, then it is up to the legal system to enforce the law as a deterrent. I'm sorry, this seriously doesn't fly and, yes, it is that simple. If both are drunk, it is my understanding that there's no rape if and only if:

Both are of legally drinking age
No alcohol or drugs were forced upon neither one of them
Both are of legally age to consent to sex
None of them voiced or gestured lack of consent, and
Both are equally incapacitated

...the girl is put in an uncomfortable situation. She may think the guy is not innocent of all wrongdoing, but certainly not worthy of 2 decades in jail.

Actually, no. Guy or girl guilty of this should, in fact, spend a lot of time in jail. A person who has been raped is not in an uncomfortable situation. He/she are victims of a crime. Farting in public is an uncomfortable situation. Being raped is being assaulted. Very different things we're dealing with here.

EDIT: To add stuff

audreylynne · 2 days

Then, according to my understanding on the matter, it is not rape if:

Both are of legally drinking age
No alcohol or drugs were forced upon neither one of them
Both are of legally age to consent to sex
None of them voiced or gestured lack of consent, and
Both are equally incapacitated

audreylynne · 2 days

Is it? Do you mean to tell me that if you're sober and have sex with someone who's drunk, you're not the one basically holding all the cards? You're not the one taking advantage of that person?

I say, if I have sex with a guy I don't trust at that moment to drive me home, and I am sober, and he says I raped him the next morning, I would kinda have to agree with him and face the consequences for what I've done.

I_DRAPE_DONS · 2 days

It is very simple to solve this problem. Teach people (I'm not even saying guys here) to not have sex with anyone they don't trust to be sober enough to drive them home. I'm pretty sure that takes care of just about every grey area under the sun.

Lack of knowledge or lack of experience aren't excuses to sexually assault somebody and/or to try to redefine rape to get young, inexperienced guys off the hook. Rape is sex without consent and if the person is incapable of consenting because of being drunk, then it is not their fault that they were raped. They should report it and they should not be shamed for it.

smallsqueakytoy · 2 days

There's nothing wrong with that per se, or at least there shouldn't be. However, it is my experience that every time I was the only girl in the group, it didn't end up well. Any professional talk was thrown out the window and it was really awkward. So, I don't really know what to tell you here. There's what should be the right answer: "no, there's nothing wrong with it, it is a professional thing", and then there's reality, which in my case did not resemble at all what the ideal case scenario.

audreylynne · 2 days

I think yet a better standard is this: is your partner sober enough to drive you home? Would you get in a car with her (him) right now? If so, and if they're giving consent, then ok. If not, then it is not appropriate. I really don't see this grey area that everybody talks about because it is very clear to me when someone has had too much to drink and when they just a few drinks and are perfectly fine. I am a very typical person - not a genius, and for certain I can not read anyone's mind, so I'm pretty sure that if I can tell, just about everybody else can, too.

audreylynne · 2 days

Male-Female, Female-Female and Male-Male.

That doesn't matter at all. The drunk person is being taken advantage of, no matter what sex, or gender, for that matter. I don't see the grey area that you all talk about at all. It is pretty clear to me when someone had too much to drink and when someone just had a few drinks that haven't incapacitated them. Just use common sense and everything will be ok. Do it like this: only have sex with someone who had anything to drink if you trust that person to drive you home at that time. You will see that the grey area is not so grey after all.

crackedwhore · 2 days

You know what? Sometimes you just need to stand for something. I would definitively try my best not to meddle in my friend's business. But if I felt that I had to say something, I wouldn't say it drunk. Say what you mean, but just say it with kindness.

Say: "I love you and I care for you and I don't understand why you're with someone who calls you fat in front of our friends and believes in PUA tricks. It is your choice whether you stay with him or not and I won't judge you if you do, but I needed to get this out of my chest. I hope you can forgive me for saying this, and I hope you can take into account that if I didn't care for you, I just wouldn't say anything."

I don't know whether or not she will resent you, but at least you will feel like you did your part. That is, if you do feel that you need to do this. Sometimes it is necessary, and other times it is really none of our business as friends. Only you can decide that.

audreylynne · 2 days

I'm surprised that it is the first time you hear that, since this opinion is so very popular, at least on Reddit. This is obviously victim blaming, and obviously very wrong. Rape is defined by lack of consent or lack of the ability to consent, so if the person is intoxicated, obviously they can't consent, so it is rape and not the fault of the victim.

beautybeholderr · 3 days

I think it is your body, and you do with it whatever you want to do. No one has the right to pressure you into having plastic surgery, and no one has the right to pressure you into not having it. It is all about choice, and the choice is yours. Congratulations on the weight loss.

why_doIdothis · 3 days

...apparently she can't lend her own bed because she's lending it to somebody else.

Then, that somebody else should obviously lend his/her privilege of using your roommate's bed to the girl with a bad back. The girl with a bad back should also be aware that maybe she won't find comfortable accommodations. That's her problem and not yours. Since she's already on the way, she doesn't seem to care much, and neither should you.

Just tell your roommate that, unfortunately, you haven't been feeling well and that you're very tired and you don't think that's a good idea. Like many said already, suggest that your friend pick up some inflatable bed instead or put her guest with a bad back in a motel. You should also tell her that in the future she shouldn't take your favors for granted and she should talk to you ahead of time. Really, don't fall for this kinda crap for someone who's only nice to you when they need you. It is your bed, and you shouldn't feel obligated at all. Btw, you're not the asshole here. Your roommate is.

SoAngry1 · 3 days

If you've nothing to hide, why live under constant investigation of your life? If you've only run to the market for a week of groceries, why now must you prove it?

OP doesn't say her life is under constant investigation. In fact, she doesn't say much at all. We have no idea what this is about. Paternity is serious business. I don't know why any men should be denied the right to know for sure he is the father of the baby he is expected to support and I'm the furthest thing from MRAs you will ever find.

After that, if that's not enough to put his mind at ease and solve his trust issues, then she will have to decide what to do. Maybe the relationship won't last, but that's another issue altogether. Why should we ask a man to simply trust? We are taught not to trust anyone when it comes to having safe sex, how's that any different? Not to mention that he could have very good reasons for asking it, a potential history of infidelity being one of them.

toasterly_reasons · 3 days

Why can't I just be me, a short-haired nerdy girl with no tattoos who likes to get some sun in the summer?

That's exactly who you should be, don't let anyone tell you any different! Those who care for you won't try to turn you into someone you aren't. Just be yourself and let them know you're not planning on changing who you are anytime soon. If they care for you they will get the message and appreciate you and want to be around you. If they don't, well then, who cares what they think?

meow_mew · 3 days

Since you already took the test about a month ago, I don't think you have anything to worry about. It only gets complicated after the first trimester and, unless the tests you took gave you false negative (which is by my understanding very rare) you can't possibly be past the first trimester yet. Good luck.

SoAngry1 · 3 days

You don't give us enough details of how your relationship came to this, but if it is his baby, why not take the test? Later on, if that's not enough to solve his trust issues, then you will have to decide what to do, but it seems to me that at this point, denying him the test will only further his suspicions.

AnonymousBarbie · 3 days

He threatened to beat the shit out of my boyfriend and to put a bullet in my head in front of him. [...] he put one to my head once...

This is very serious. You need to gather everything you have and contact the authorities immediately. Sometimes, they don't even ask for a lot of proof and they will contact him** in a cease and desist manner. Maybe that's enough to stop him.

Other than that, you need to document every threat (recording, filming, pics of messages, saved messages) now and in the future. Cut all contact with him, at once. Gather witnesses, talk to your local abused women shelter, talk to the police, have a light emergency code with your neighbors ( like, for instance, blinking your porch light many times means you need immediate help), and also a code for daytime. Ask your friends and boyfriend to check on you throughout the day. Contact the facebook administration to see if they can confirm his IP address. You may need a lawyer for that, I'm not sure, but you could check on that. Doesn't facebook allow you to see from where your visitors are logging in? If so, take screenshots of that. The most important thing here is be proactive. Make sure you're one step ahead of him all the time. These situations can get dangerous very quickly and sometimes having a gun around is not the answer. It could even make things worse. Stop thinking this will go away and start acting. You need help, and you need it now. Do not try to go through this by yourself. Tell everybody and contact the authorities ASAP.

**EDIT

mepper · 4 days

This is beyond sickening: It is proof that the pro life movement has nothing to do with life. It has to do only with controlling women's bodies. This also goes beyond the war on women. It is a war on poor women. Damn Mississippi, what a shame!

IHaveNoIndependence · 4 days

Honestly, I can't see how you're going to be a full time student, work, and take care of twins at the same time. That doesn't sound realistic at all. You need to schedule an appointment with your advisor and ask him how you can manage your last year. Perhaps try for more scholarships or loans and postpone working? Or keep the job and do school part time or even just take a year or at least a semester long break? I think it's time for you to realize that you're only human, accept all his support, and perhaps concentrate on just two things at the most. You can always be supportive of him in the future, when your situation is better. Being a full time student, a full time mom of twins, and work could result in physical and/or emotional breakdown which would just delay your plans even more. Be wise, you have a lot on your hands right now. Best of luck to you.

avoidingfinals · 4 days

You could just bring the string to the front or to the side, like aligning it with your groin. I did it like that when I could use tampons. Now my flux is so heavy I can't use them anymore, but that's what I did. I thought everybody did that.

CalculonisEgyptian · 4 days

I (unfortunately) live in Mississippi, and I have to say this is a disgrace. Educated women with relatively good jobs have no problem crossing state lines to have an abortion done somewhere else. This is only bad for the portion of the population that has no other recourse but to have kids an live in poverty (since many don't have access to birth control either) or to risk their lives trying to have abortions done by themselves. This goes beyond the war on women. This is a war on poor women. Damn Mississippi, what a shame!

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